Vows for Then, Now and Forever

As I started my walk down the aisle, I heard my dad whisper in my ear, “Are you okay?” I must have said “yes” because we kept walking in time to Pachelbel’s Canon in D Major.

Later, I asked him why he was worried about me. He chuckled and said, “You were shaking like a leaf.” Twenty years later, I’m still not sure why I might have been so nervous. After all, waiting at the other end of the aisle, decked out in his dress uniform, was my soldier…my soul mate…my best friend.

The happy couple.

When we were finally standing together before our family and friends, he smiled at me, surely enamored with my dazzling appearance in a beaded, lace gown topped with a little pouf of a veil. I grinned right back, realizing once more that a man in uniform is truly a marvelous sight to behold.

We giggled through the sermon. I don’t recall what the minister said that set us off, but at that moment, we were in our own world–two young people with shiny new college diplomas getting ready to start our lives together. In two days, we were packing up our meager belongings and driving from our hometowns in western PA to Fort Benning, GA where my new husband would start his career as an Army Infantry officer, and I would begin to learn how to gather the mysterious strength of an Army wife.

A week earlier, I had declared that we would write our own vows. This, I decided, would be my stamp of originality on our special day. The minister, having seen too many couples succumb to the pressure of the day and forget their own names, let alone entire paragraphs of text, insisted that we tape our original content to the inside of a pretty white book. I agreed to the scotch taped crib notes, but I never once looked away from my soon-to-be hubby as I recited the words I knew by heart…in my heart.

“When you asked me to become your wife, the only thought in my mind was ‘yes.’  The thought of sharing a life with you–the good times and the bad–filled my heart with joy, and today before God, our family and friends, as we begin that new life together, there are so many things I want to say–so many promises I want to make.

First, I promise to always have a smile for you. I want to laugh with you when you’re happy and comfort you when you’re down.

I promise to be supportive of your decisions, your goals and your ambitions. And I will not be jealous of your time away from me.

I promise to be strong for you and our family. I will be supportive of the changes that may come our way, and I will be open to new possibilities.

I promise to listen to your opinions, and I will not try to change you in any way. I want to love you for who you are, and I want to know you as deeply as one person can know another.

I promise to always hold you deep in my heart whether I kiss you good night and wake up in your arms, or whether I close my eyes and blow a kiss to you in whatever far off land you are. For the rest of my life, you will always be the first thing I think of when I wake up.

Today, I promise you the best of everything I have to give–my heart, my soul, and most of all my love.”

Knowing what I know now, 20 years after reciting those words, I would have answered my father’s question at the top of the aisle with an enthusiastic, “Yes! I’m excited, and I’m shaking with anticipation of the adventure that starts right now!”

Cruisin’ the Dunes in Cabo San Lucas.

It has been an amazing journey so far. From PA, we headed to Georgia then on to Fort Hood, TX, where our incredible son entered the world and joined us for the next leg of the journey. After our stay in Texas, we joined corporate America and returned to PA, then on to Massachusetts and finally the Bluegrass State of Kentucky.

Along the way, we’ve made several memorable side trips. We’ve ridden ATVs in Cabo San Lucas, MX and climbed aboard camels in Tangiers, Africa. We’ve lounged on the sands of the Virgin Islands and gambled in the casinos of Monte Carlo. We’ve walked the beaches of Normandy, France and strolled the Champs Elysees in Paris. And finally, we’ve traveled to Russia’s unforgiving Siberia to find our daughter and bring her home to our family.

When I said my vows 20 years ago, I really did not know what was in store for me, but I knew it had to be wonderful. How could it not be? With my husband at my side, I can travel any road before us and I am looking forward to all the adventures yet to come.

I love you, my dear hubby…then, now, forever.

Happy Anniversary!

Stiletto Momma

For the Love of Camo and Sparkles

The balance of power has shifted in my home. With the Older One now taking up residence at the U.S. Military Academy at West Point, the Hubs and the Dog are on their own against myself, my daughter and my MIL, who tipped the scales to the female side when she moved in four months ago.   I have waited many years for an extra jolt of estrogen to make my family complete, and while the Hubs may not be thrilled to be in the minority, I am finding most days to be a new and frilly adventure.

That is not to say that I don’t miss my son like crazy.  His absence is a very noticeable hole in the fabric of our family.   I miss him every day and am constantly reminded that the special relationship between a mother and her son is every bit as strong as the father/daughter one we hear so much about.

Camo Kid - My son wearing Daddy's uniform!

When he was young though, I would get so frustrated while shopping for his clothes.  I was forced to wade my way through row after row of pretty pink shoes and rack after rack of frilly and sparkly clothes to get to the solitary line of boy shoes and the one lonely rack of gray and brown utilitarian boy’s clothes.  Apparently shopping for boys is not meant to be fun!

When he would play, it was with trucks.  I would watch him digging in the sand for hours, wondering how he could stand to have all that dirt under his nails, in his hair, between his toes.  I cringe just thinking about it, but he could not have been happier.

Later it was G.I. Joe and any toy that could cause imaginary destruction.  For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out the fascination with lining up those little green Army men, just to knock them down!  Given the path he has ultimately chosen for himself, I guess he knew exactly what he was doing.

Then came the athletics.  At first it was t-ball, then karate and soccer and basketball.  By the time we hit youth football, the testosterone that invaded my house was, at times, overwhelming.  The Hubs bought me “Football for Dummies” just so I could follow the dinner conversation. Here again, my son knew exactly what he wanted, as he now proudly holds a position on the defensive line for the Army Black Knights football team. (Go Army! Beat Navy!)

My daughter, on the other hand, is all girl. On the soccer field, she is usually not the one running for the ball.  She is the one spinning in circles and admiring her manicure as the ball rolls past.  She’s more in her element during her Saturday morning gymnastics class where her favorite part of the weekly session is comparing the bling on her leotard to the sparkles on her friends’ clothes.

Princess Sparkles makes a grand entrance.

And speaking of sparkles, her closet practically glimmers when we turn on the lights. There is no gray or brown to be seen, and the choices in the stores are endless.  Even her toys have an element of glitter, and she would never even dream of playing with them in the dirt.  In fact, dirt is the enemy. There is no sandbox in the backyard for my four-year-old girl as there was for my boy at that age.  Dirt is now “yucky” and “gross” and cause for tears, where 14 years ago it was cause for celebration.  She would, however, love to play with her brother’s G.I. Joes if I would let her.  Their only role in her make-believe world, though, would be to drive the convertible for Barbie.

For all their differences, however, they are so amazingly similar.  The Beanie Babies that entertained the Older One, now snuggle close to the Young One at bedtime.  This morning during gymnastics class, I watched her sprint down a trampoline runway and launch herself into a pile of foam blocks.  As she laughed, I turned to the Hubs and said, “The Older One would have loved that too!”  Somewhere in the future I suppose, she will prefer football to soccer as well. The football team, after all, has a corresponding cheerleading squad that wears skirts and does cartwheels.

Tonight, after baking cookies and donning Minnie Mouse pajamas, the Young One will peruse her bookshelf, searching for the perfect bedtime story.  Chances are high that she will choose the same one she has picked every night for the last two weeks–a well-worn copy of a Richard Scarry popup book that lived on that same shelf 14 years ago.

I will turn the pages.  She will pull the tabs with fascination, and we will both shake our heads sadly when she gets to that last popup and says, “My brother ripped that one.”  She will be momentarily saddened that she will never pull that last tab, but my heart will warm with the memory of a little boy whose hands held the same cherished book and smiled with delight when his little fingers made the pictures come alive.

Yes, the balance of power has shifted…, but not much has changed.  I still pick up scattered Beanie Babies and read bedtime stories.  I still chauffeur a child to sports practice, and I still love two children.  One is just a little further away than the other and prefers to wear digitized camo instead of sparkles.

Stiletto Momma