I’m Sorry I Broke Your Heart Today

balloon

My giant Valentine!

My Dear Sweet Girl,

I’m sorry I broke your heart today. The day started out so sweet with giant heart-shaped balloons, flowers, candy, a red Power Ranger costume and an unexpected snow day. Then I had to go and put a dash of tears in your day.

I’m sorry.  But I needed to be the one to tell you about the phone call I got yesterday…before your daddy said something or someone hinted that things were about to change. I needed to be the one to say it.

I sat down at the computer to write a Valentine’s Day post to you like I did for your brother yesterday. I was going to write about how much fun we had making Valentines for your grandparents and your big brother. I wanted to write you a beautiful letter about how “un-romantic” love was just as sweet as the romantic kind.

I wanted to tell you how at age six you may be dead-set against marriage but one day your heart may change your mind. Boys won’t always have cooties, and sometime in the near future you will understand you can be a superhero, a wife, and a mom all at the same time.

I wanted to remind you how your daddy and I loved you before we met you and how even though you prefer watching Die Hard with Dad to Say Yes to the Dress with me, I still love the strong girl into which you’ve grown.

But then you walked into the office wearing your brand new red Ranger suit and chattering about the Disney vacation I’ve been avoiding discussing for the past two months. I knew it was time.

“Sweetie,” I sighed, “It’s going to be a while before we can go on vacation.”

Your face fell. My stomach sank.

“We need to talk about something.” I sat with you on the step, wrapped my arm around your shoulder, and pasted a smile on my face. “Guess what happened yesterday!”

You saw right through me. You knew my excitement was as fake as my smile.

“I got a new job.”

And then they started…the big fat tears on your cheek…and on mine. I’m sorry

“Why?” you sobbed. “I don’t want you to work.” I’m sorry.

I’m so, so sorry. Just hold on to me. We’ll cry together. We’ll think of memories we made… waves through a yellow bus window as you pull away and the tackling hugs when you return…car rider privileges on special days…snow day sled riding.

I’m sorry.

For as much as job loss is traumatic, job offer is even more heartbreaking. I hope one day you understand how devastating this is for me too.

I’m sorry.

I love you…more than you’ll ever know.

Happy Valentine’s Day. Let’s go bake cookies and make some more memories.

I’m sorry….

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